the pussy queen

yanique bell


The Unfulfilled Woman: The Curse of the “Good Girl” Programming

January 7, 2024

How do you heal from the “good girl” programming? With the launch of my new masterclass, Mastering the Womanly Arts, my journey to womanhood has been on my mind.

Before I started my sexual healing journey in my early 20s, I was first led to expand my aliveness and my spiritual heart – to include myself in all the love I poured out to other people and go beyond the Christian tribe I had come to call home, but never felt completely at home in.

Don’t worry, this is not one of those rampages against religion. I look back on those days and realize I was fulfilled. I was following my heart at the time. I was being the woman I wanted to be. I was “counter-cultural” and prioritizing my spiritual development – and honestly that has not changed.

I am still head-strong and stubbornly resistant to peer pressure (just as I was as a teenager lol) and my highest priority is my connection to my Deeper Self – the heart of my soul. So often when we go through a major shift, we tend to pile on hate on our “old selves” and miss the ways in which the Self that is here now has always been emerging, simply clarifying and finding resonance.

So, when I think back to the woman I was, I know I was in the right place for the desires I had back then…

but then my desires shifted, which meant I had to shift.

Toxic Shame Holds the Good Girl Programming In Place…

I don’t see my journey as going from a “good obedient girl” to a “bad girl” who loves sex and prioritizes pleasure. The reality of the “good girl” programming is many of us, if we are blessed with the self-awareness, follow it because we feel the opposite inside: We feel fundamentally “bad” or “wrong.”

So even as a “good girl,” I never felt good.

Read that again. I didn’t just feel “not good enough.”

At my core, I never felt “good.”

I never felt like the totality of me was “good.” And so, I hid the parts I knew would be disapproved of (essentially the real me) and only revealed what I knew would be accepted.

This can get us by in childhood when we very literally have no other choice, especially if that toxic shame thought that says we are not “good” is reinforced by trauma and abuse.

However, when we enter womanhood still holding onto our “good girl” programming, we are robbed of the opportunity to meet the true Self.

And without this core connection to the true Self, our desires are like compressed air and water shot out of a snow machine… it may look like the real thing but the magic simply isn’t there.

Reclaiming the Goodness of You

Strangely enough, healing from my “good girl” programming took me on a journey to actually feel good. To feel fundamentally, innately, and irrevocably good. The kind of love I longed to experience through Christ, became the love I experienced through my own spiritual heart.

Oh the things I’ve seen and felt within my body meditations and ritual practice. The absolute breadth of my loveliness. The adorableness of my little ears and my stubby toes. I have felt the perfected love for myself that I thought could only be experienced in some heavenly realm post-mortem. This kind of love calls us not into death but into LIFE.

Into the complete, unabridged fulfillment of our soul’s calling to love, explore, joyfully create, and flourish.

This is what it means to be alive.

Fulfillment comes not when you abandon parts of yourself for the sake of pleasing others, but when you radically accept the totality of you and look upon all that you are and think: I am good.

I am good.

I am good.

There is nothing wrong with me, my desires, my process, or the way I move through this world…

I am wholly good. All that I am is Love incarnate and in full expression.

Allow for the goodness of you, Darling. There is no one on this planet that can stop your light when you rediscover your true eternal goodness.

You won’t find it in other people’s acceptance. You won’t even find it in soulmate love. This is the work between you and You.

Are you ready to start experiencing the Fullness of You?

As I feel into my life right now, I realize I have a fulfilling life. I was going to say I feel fulfilled but that’s not the right tense. I feel my life is consistently fulfilling itself.

I feel my Deeper Self steadily guiding me to the continuous fulfillment of my evolving desires. It’s like being on a train that’s whizzing through space and time. I feel the forward propulsion towards greater expansion and, for the first time in my life, I am, almost if not intermittently, wholly at ease with my eternal journey.

I feel the aliveness of my life, the rich activity within it and dare I say, God, I love it.

When I used to be a Christian, I was often looking for “the completeness of my life.” I was desperate for suffering to end and for my soul to reach a perfected, completed state of peace.

Now, I see how absolutely contrary that is to what I experience in the depths of my soul.

We lead fulfilling lives, not lives that are complete, perfect, and wrapped up in a bow. But lives that are in motion and ever-expanding. Our desires are being fulfilled one after the other, after the other.

In the troughs of trauma and overwhelm, this thought used to terrify and exhaust me. I just wanted peace. If I could get time to stand still, I would’ve paused it and never hit play again.

So, if that’s where you are, you don’t have to hold my truth just yet.

I wish you peace. And then when you’ve gotten your fill of peace, I wish you the fulfillment of your next desire. cuz honey, trust me. You want more than just peace.

Free Masterclass – Mastering the Womanly Arts

If you’re ready to start leading a fulfilling and orgasmic life, join me in Mastering the Womanly Arts.

This is a free live masterclass, where I’ll be teaching you how to discover your true Self – the you that exists beyond the “good girl” programming – and masterfully create the life of your dreams using something you have access to right now and don’t even realize it:

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